YOU MATTER..

feeling like I am not enough. feeling emotionally disconnected. sometimes I wish I can disappear. ever felt like that? like what? how this happen? it happened girl!… its like I woke up and was no longer a child or teenager I was an adult with her own children. I think because of everything I’ve been through as a child has yet to be resolved. once you become an adult its this thought of erasing everything that has happened to you. not really dealing with it.. why is that? for me I try and brush it off like there are people in the world going through something more difficult then you india.. when the reality is my problems matter. my issues matter.. why should I push them off to the side or keep them balled up. like seriously think about it how many times have you felt down frustrated or just unhappy about anything and you put your feelings to the side because ” oh someone else is going through something much more” like NO IM GOING THROUGH SOMETHING MY MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT WELL” YOU MATTER..

A mothers breakdown.

just stop.. I want the world to just stop right now. but that’s not how life works right. It’s like when did life become so difficult. the struggles and the disappointments. this adult shit is not for me. being a mother of two children is definitely starting to hit me. I love my children but I tell no lie when I say it is a struggle right now. my son is currently 13 years old and my daughter is 3 and boy oh boy.. my son is coming into the teenage stage where he thinks he knows everything and I mean EVERYTHING!!!. Its like talking to the wall I tell him go left and he feels left is not the way so he goes right. my daughter is all over. she’s singing dancing challenging me with the ”NO” word. she’s like the energizing bunny that’s doesn’t stop. I love my children but can we just STOP. I feel like I am a robot. doing the same things daily wake up shower get kids up drop off then head to a job that I dislike back home cook shower try to have a glass of wine just to enjoy myself back to sleep to start the day over again. I am thankful and appreciative but I need a moment. a moment to take a breath a moment to think a moment to stop and just observe. as a child I wanted to grow up. man I wanted to grow up so bad. I don’t know if it was because i wanted to do what I wanted to do or if it was so I could escape all the adults lol. I wish I could rewrite history have a do over . is this possible?

How Long Is too Long??

when in a relationship how long should one wait to be married?? whenever this topic comes up people always try and run away from it, or people always feel uncomfortable.  its almost like we as people feel like when asked about the big M word we feel pressured. but honestly why?? I truly think it is something deep within when someone has a hard time with A talking abut it or B actually taking the steps to marry. everyone has many different views. Me personally I feel if  the person your with is your best friend you don’t want to live without that person why not be married.. yes yes I know marriage is a huge step. but it really only becomes a Hugh step because people let everything like Money Politics etc.. get in the way of their love. so again I ask how long is too long to wait? I’ve heard of some stories of people getting together and are married within a year, within a few months. how long is too long? in the movie sex and the city Carie and Big got married after 10 years. 10 long years. is 10 years too long or just right? If your partner doesn’t want to get married should you end the relationship, or try and hope and pray that they will change their minds. what if the person wants to be married believes in marriage but the one their currently with their just not into. what if they are with them just buying time? what if they are scared?  so many what ifs right…..

really happening..

its been awhile and guess what I pick now to write.. I mean COVID 19 is happening now.. what better time to get some things off my chest.. first off this shit is crazy.. I mean people are really dying left and right.. sometimes I feel like we are living a nightmare. I mean with everything going on you would think civilization would begin to see the bigger picture.. Nope not at all. I mean you have some who are taking things very serious. keeping the social distancing, staying in doors only going out if they are real essential workers or if they need things from the grocery stores. then you have these idiots I mean come on people.  social media is going crazy people are drinking there lives away.. now I know many are scared that’s ok.. fear can be overcome. lets think about our health, lets begin to connect spiritually and mentally.  think of everything you’ve done in your life everything your looking forward to doing.. this thing that’s happening is big and we really shouldn’t over look or take it for a joke. lets use this time to reconnect with family, reconnect with our dreams and passions, reconnect with our children. how about this, reconnecting with the higher power. whoever that may be for you. lets start living with purpose.

 

 

CHEATING

QUESTION?? WHEN WAS IT OK TO CHEAT ON SOMEONE?? WHEN AND HOW DID CHEATING COME ABOUT?? AND WHAT IS CHEATING TO YOU?? THIS IS A TOUCHY TOPIC BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT VIEWS.. I MEAN THE PEOPLE THAT ARE DOING THE CHEATING OF COURSE THERE GOING TO FEEL LIKE WHAT THERE DOING IS NOT WRONG.. SOME PEOPLE THAT IS NOT ALL.. RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORK AND SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT BUT YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF IS IT WORTH IT.. WHEN THINGS ARE NOT GOING RIGHT OR YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NO LONGER INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON WHY NOT TELL THEM?? WHY CHEAT ON THEM?? IS IT A FEELING OF SATISFACTION, DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR STILL IN THE GAME?? OR MAYBE ITS DONE BECAUSE SOMEONE DID IT TO YOU…SO ITS LIKE A  BACK AND FOURTH THING.. DO MEN AND WOMEN CHEAT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS?? OPEN FOR DISCUSSION….

I was told..

02/12/08 I was told I should blog about breastfeeding. I mean why not right? this shit is not easy I can say and I know so many other women are going through the same thing. I am 2 months in and still cant seem to get it right. I mean my Zola is gaining weight but as of lately I feel so disconnected. not from her but from the whole experience.  maybe my body feels it because my milk supply is different Zola is still hungry after sucking from both breast she is still fussy and not very happy. one night it was soo difficult she woke up every 40/50min can you say team no sleep. I couldn’t take it I researched was this normal what can I do.. I had to give her a bottle with Similac formula I mean I cant have my child hungry.. when the bottle was done my girl burped and was so pleased and happy. she slept from 4am until 9:30..yayyyyyy the best ever I mean come on everyone was happy she was no longer hungry and I got to sleep. Now I am conflicted because im going back to work next month and  honestly I am no longer interested in breast feeding anymore. I continue to pump and give her the breast but I also give her formula.. I do feel like with me being so disconnected its messing with my supply. why am I disconnected? honestly I feel like I have no life like when Zola is done she will either A) pass out sleeping or fall asleep and wake up 10 min later wanting more.. its very difficult to even shower let alone clean up or fix any meals.  lets be even more real I am dying to have a few glasses of wine im constantly reminiscing about the times I would come home from work and have at least two glasses of Red Wine my FAVORITE lol.. but yeah just a little bit of how im feeling .

OVER AND OUT…..INDIA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PREGNANCY LIFE..

OMG I KNOW I KNOW I’VE BEEN MIA..PREGNANCY WILL DO THAT TO YOU..LOL 5 MONTHS AND ALL I CAN SAY IS I CANT WAIT UNTIL ITS OVER.. ITS CRAZY BECAUSE SOO MANY PEOPLE I SPEAK TO ARE LIKE “I LOVED BEING PREGNANT” “OMG WHEN I WAS PREGNANT I WAS NEVER SICK” BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I CAN SAY THESE THINGS TOO BUT ONLY WITH MY FIRST,AND THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO ITS SO TRUE THE OLDER A FEMALE GETS THE MORE DIFFICULT PREGNANCY IS.. BETWEEN MY MORNING SICKNESS AND NAUSEA THE FIRST TRIMESTER NOW THIS HEART BURN AND GAS FOR THE BEGINNING OF MY SECOND TRIMESTER SHEEESHH… CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME INDIA ITS GOING TO GET BETTER LOLLOLLOL WELL DUH IT WILL BE BETTER WHEN MY BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM GOD ARRIVES..OK IM DONE FOR THE NIGHT HEARTBURN STARTING AGAIN…XOXO INDIA

Affection…

how big are you when it comes to showing affection? whether its towards your children, spouse, or family member?  I must say this is a funny topic to discuss. some will say family and children is a must, but when it comes to spouse it depends on how much they show them.. is this true?? ok my thoughts I honestly feel affection is very much needed all around family, children,and spouses.  you learn affection from family which helps you to give it to your children and spouse.  when coming from a broken home one might 1- not know how and what affection is about because they never had it.2 look for affection so they begin to accept any and everything from anyone 3- will make sure when they have children or get into a relationship show all the affection in the world. with children I feel you have to tell them how beautiful they are, how smart they are, and how unique they are, and of course telling them you love them on a daily bases.  these things are important it builds character and confidence from every angle. when it comes to family we sometimes grow up and forget that it is important to call and check up on family members, have family functions, and show support.. this keeps the family together, keeps the love growing. last but not least your spouse lol boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband whatever you want to call them . affection is what keeps your relationship strong and growing as well.  now I’m not only talking about affection during sex lol thats easy.. I mean showing it with everything talking, hugging,kissing, having conversation etc. don’t be petty and say well if they don’t show me affection I’m not showing them affection lol ive fallen guilty of this but ive learned this doesn’t help at all.. it actually makes the relationship fall apart. last but not least if you are an affectionate person and get with someone who isn’t but you love them work on it..maybe there willing to open up and maybe there affectionate for you is shown differently talk about it and come to an agreement…xoxo India

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